miss independant.

ONE of the movies im so psyched about. the remake of hairspray, john travolta a lady. is it cool or what?!

school is such a drag. a million dollars for those who can guess what my oral question was. trust me, nothing close to what i had asked earlier

ok, i am not gonna offer a million dollars.

they asked me:

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FRUIT AND WHY?

KNNBCCBMOFOSHIZZZZLEEEEE.)&#@!*&@*(&@).

first and formost, im not a big fan of fruits. and i dont know many fruits in tamil.at that moment i didnt know how to say grapes in tamil (which is actually my favourite, since its harmless and all)so i said banana, which happened to be what yesterday's passage was about and the first thing that came to mind. so yea, i don really like bananas, they have this aftertaste, but oh well. then they asked me about what fruit i hate most, then i forgot how to say mango in tamil, and i nearly was gonna piss myself so i said durians. then the examiners laughed. i dunno with me, or at me.

so yea, anyway... cheryl may dropped out last minute, for the CA tour, for unspecified reasons (ah actually we all know, but life's a bitch eh?) and widya is grounded. so my dearest friend ulfred is going with me since he claimed he wanted to so ya. i think that'd be great. but im pretty pissed tho. however you try to make nice with people, things just dont go the way you plan it to go. and sometimes, you just wanna give that person a mighty shake and tellthem "look, im trying here ok?! if you wanna give me shit, i can do just the same, but i hve changed and i wanna be a better person so no".

i really dont wanna rant but im fucking upset. trust someone to ruin the best thing thats ever happened to me, ever. im just glad ulfred's coming, cause he's been a great friend, someone who's concerned about me. perhaps i deserved this shit. yea perhaps.

but i just cant get over the fact that, its the best thing thats ever happened to me, and still god, or whoever's up there has to spoil it for me and weedee. this just really goes to show that the

WORLD IS VERY UNFORGIVING. IN BOTH WIDYA's AN MY CASE. PERIOD.

i think that is the f***en understatement of the year.

these people do things, and then make it look like my fault. take a look at this.

gay boy! says:
oi!

gay boy! says:
whats your problem?

potential break up song. says:
why

gay boy! says:
then now who?

potential break up song. says:
ya.

potential break up song. says:
had a convo with her, then i said it doesnt feel right, no hard feelings. then liddat lorh

gay boy! says:
fuck la you.

potential break up song. says:
WHAT

gay boy! says:
at first say bring her.

potential break up song. says:
she also say she dont want

gay boy! says:
i bet she must be damn sian.

potential break up song. says:
to go nehh

gay boy! says:
orh

gay boy! says:
ok..

potential break up song. says:
YOU KNOW OR NOTT

gay boy! says:
okokok

potential break up song. says:
wahlao, any how scold me

gay boy! says:
ok la solly

see, typical eh? even when im not at fault, im at fault. im feeling so shitty, so so shitty, that im trying to hold back the tears that sting your eyes and that weird tingling feeling in your throat. i thought tmr would be special, but everything is just so....not the way i planned it to be. no thanks to a certain johan either. widya was the first choice and now she cant come. and cheryl may's story just made it worse. dont ever trust your friends, or their dads in widya's case. im feeling freaking sorry for widya, she deserves better than this. ulfred you better go count your lucky stars tonight.

i just wish i could scream why to that man/woman up there. you may think im exaggerating but i seriously think i could hurt myself right now. shit man, this is what a past mistake can get you at. people are so effing unforgiving, that its hard to believe wha religion teaches you these days.

im not directing this at anyone. im just upset. upset with myself. upset with my mistakes.

karma,retribution, whatever you call it, im pissed at it. ive been screwed by karma so many million times, that i've been tying to be an earl (my name is earl) for quite some time, *thus the invitation to cheryl may, but it still doesnt work yu know, karma just bites you in the back.

im just so effing upset with myself now. i feel pathetic. i shouldnt be feeling upset and yet here i am pouring this out to a blog which people read. i know im insignificant to all of you out there, so you guys can laugh at how im blowing things out of proportion and how im so petty. i deserve it anyway dont i?

argh, this is why, i cant wait to effing graduate, and start anew. but with people like ulfred, isabel, kenneth,widya and huda around in beatty, its hard to let go ya know.

i hope i can whisk widya away from her misery.