shine a light.

funny how things can change over a year.
you never think you could be so bitter about something
so cold towards opportunities.
so hopeful over something that is never meant for you.
i dont like myself these days, so bitter.
i need my light, i need someone to show me the way.
i need to know i can heal, i need to know how long it'll take.

time seems to move so slowly these days, i count the days, 9 to a year.
yet i know it'll never mean anything to you. you've changed, your heart has changed.
what i ask of you seems impossible to you. irony is, i felt that way a long time back.
but i tried, and it worked. you're not willing to try.
it seems so easy for you to forget, to betray,to move on
i laugh at karma.

i need to stop wanting you. tell me how to.
block delete ignore isnt exactly working the way it should be.
you know, you'd never think you'd know what a true heartbreak is, until you actually get to it.
so yea, there's nothing i coulda possibly done to prepare myself for this.

you're not worth my time, my effort, my tears.
but i still need you.
the never ending conflict between the mind and the heart.
you know how people always tell you to listen to what your heart says?
well they dont fucking know what they're talking about.
look where listening to my heart has gotten me.
my mind tells me everyday, that its wrong.
my heart tells me dont give up, he might still..
and then there's the rude awakening, the nightmares, the sleepless nights.
the confrontation, the realisation.
the words "i dont love you anymore"

funny how things changed within days.
funny how you feel alone mosta the time.
funny how everyone around you disappears, secretly feeling happy that something in my life that meant so much to me goes wrong.
funny how you still smile when all you want to do is cry.
funny how the irony of life remains funny.


i want to be superwoman.
i want to change this.
i dont want to wallow in emotion, pity, grief.
i think i grieved enough for you. i think you lied enough, i think i tried more than i should, i think i should learn to move on, i think i should forget you.

problem is, i dont know how.
and sometimes i dont see the reason why.
you think the last time i wasnt this hurt.
guess what, the facade just isnt working anymore.
all these emotions bottled up inside.

you think your friends would want the best for you.
and then when you tell them the only thing that makes you happy is the thing that plagues you
they laugh and ridicule your stupidity.
even when they mean the best for you, you just arent willing to accept it.

i seek solace in my music. the only thing that keeps me remotely close to sane.
someday you'll realise that we were meant to be.
but i wont be around to share that with you.