kill me now i want to die.

i've failed in what i was most passionate about.
i feel like a complete fuck up, like my whole life has been drained out of me, like there's nothing left to live for.
its easy to tell people to move on, but it sucks when you cant even take your own advice.


when i hugged you,
when i screamed for you to come back,
when i was helpless,
when i told you i'll always loved you, i always will.

you just stood there, unfuckingphased.
that tearful hug that could have explained it all just felt cold and unwanted.
i await 200 more sleepless nights.


the first time it hurt, and just as i was about to get over it, you came back like a whirlwind in my life, told me this time we'll make it work.

the second time it sucked really bad, but you came back and knocked me off my feet, promised me you wouldnt let me go. and i believed you.

yes, i believed everything you said. for you to turn your back on me, for you to cheat on me, for you to forget everything ive done for you, everything ive lost, have you really become that selfish?

am i really stupid to still want to make things work for us, im still pining for you, im still rooting for this to work out, im still living in this silly little dream wondering whether you'd call and say you're coming back, you'll try, it wont be the same, it'll be way better.

but now i've realised, it isnt gonna happen. i need to get away, walk away.
i should have known, i was used for amusement.
i kept hanging on, it was my fault, i got myself into this, but it seems like there's no way out of this mess.
really, return to me salvation.


im not me, you took me away from myself.
now im just living this empty life.
wait, i have no life.
it feels like nothing without you.
you've had so much control over me.
i know im not going to be okay for a very long while.
can someone give me something to kill the fucking pain.
i cant smile.

are you going to come back?
if you arent,
kill me now, i dont have anything else to live for.