where did you sleep last night?

i am listening to my old aerosmith album.
i am wondering why i keep thinking about rooney.
there are alot of things on my mind right now, and i feel like i'll be much better if i trashed it out here.

you know, here i am feeling over the moon about the posting results and im wondering if he feels the same.
here i am wondering if he you know, cares.
i am in a way jealous, of the girl that i can relate to. however her life seems so much awesomer than mine.
i never really liked her to be honest, and im quite sure its the same the other way round. clash.
i met her today. she=radiant.
and immediately it struck me. she's in love.
i was reading her stuff today and i cant help but think.
but then again thats what i always do. fucking think too much.
in a way thats def me, the girl who thinks too much into it.
thats the way the cookie crumbles i spose.

i want those random trips to the botanical gardens.
i want to be the one who doesnt surprise you. i want to be the one on the receiving end sometimes.
i want to smile at your sweet gestures, not smile at myself for my awesome attempt at making your day.
i want to be the one thought of, not me thinking of you instead.
i want you to tell me things you really mean, not things that you think you shd say so that you'll make me happy.


i didnt answer your phonecall cause it will only be another disappointment. whats the effort worth to you. i keep thinking that i keep expecting smething from you. but im only human, sometimes it will be nice if you could make me smile in return, not keep trying me tear me down. im close to...dust.

i dont want to talk about it to you cause at the end of the day you'll make it seem like you're the victim. i dont feel like i should complain either because lately all that i've been getting is "you're thinking too much, you're not appreciating him for what he is, or stop thinking as such" well guess what, you're not in my shoes and you wouldnt know.

i dont want to complain. i want you to change. i wont mention anything anymore. i will sit here and pretend that life is wonderful, then again i've always been good at that.


you dont deserve this, neither do i. you think you did nothing wrong? think again. im sorry if i expect too much out of you. guess what, what i expect out of you is only "something" anything at all, cause lately ive been getting nothing, zero zip zilch nada attention from you.


its like im your plaything, your pastime. i am not thinking too much. because this hasnt been the first, rather the umpteenth. im just gonna disappear from you for a while, then you'll realise being with or without me makes no difference, cause thats how you're taking this relationship as it goes.

well to me it makes a hell lot of a difference. smack me on the head if you want to, but i know, i fucking know that this guy will never wake up. he will never fail to realise that im not just some, accessory. i have my needs, and sometimes, i love you isnt just enough.

you're not, you're never gonna read this. you're not gonna read my thoughts. you're not gonna break me.

I try to laugh but cry instead 
Patiently wait to hear the words you've never said 
Making use of all this time 
Keeping everything inside 
Close my eyes and listen to you cry 
There's only so much I can do for you 
After all of the things you put me through 

you think i complain? well i might be a p.i.t.a but you are worse.